Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize