I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
