Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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