he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
