break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
