I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
