Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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