I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
