The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize