whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
