I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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