theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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