Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
