Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
