I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
