i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
