it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My pussy is not your playground.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My bed smells like the plague
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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