As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Randomize
