So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
