i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
