I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
