why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
