you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
