i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
