Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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