just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
