I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
