my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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