Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
