i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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