you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
