Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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