sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you inspire me to be a worse person
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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