I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize