he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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