Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize