Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
