her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Still dying that you shit outside
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
