Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
