there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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