i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
