too bad you live with your parents still
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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