It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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