Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
