Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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