I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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