I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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