He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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