I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
