I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
