Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
