I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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