there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
