apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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