hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
