You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
