I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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