woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize