I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
