I've blown a few things in my day
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize