So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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