No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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