Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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