Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
