I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
