Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
