OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
