he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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