I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
