i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize