i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize