Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
