i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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