They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
