I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Panties = found
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