Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
did i walk over a car last night?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
