Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
