Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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