Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
