I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
