Plan B is the new Plan A
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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