On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
