I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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