Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Dick very happy bro
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
