If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
