i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
