...so i touched it.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
